I always thought that if you loved someone… you are honest with them and would not intentionally do anything that you know would hurt them…this is true for healthy people but people with addictions can love and still purposely choose to do things that will hurt those they love the most….they justify it under the guise of protecting by lying….thinking the ones they love will not know what they are doing…so it won’t hurt them….of course it’s all lies….it’s all a part of the addiction.
I always thought or believed that if I prayed enough, believed enough, was an awesome supporting and loving wife that my husband would not have these issues or that if I did all the right things they would go away…….It’s true that as a Godly wife, I am responsible for being all that God has called me to be but that does not mean my husband will be who God has called him to be….he has to choose for himself….God will not force change upon him no matter how much I pray….it is his choice to make….God will help him and give him the strength and power to overcome but my husband has to “choose this day whom he will serve”.
There are many lies that I have believed over the years……that to really forgive, I need to give him another chance…after all, how can I be blessed by walking away when my husband is begging me to stay and telling me he wants help….the truth is I can forgive AND walk away knowing that I have the Lord’s support….is this His will?….NO…He hates divorce but He also hates sin and it’s destructive power…..it’s tough love in action….his very soul is at stake!! It would not me be tearing our family apart by choosing divorce but my husband’s….his actions tore us apart long before the talk of divorce.
Christ’s love says I love you but not the sin and if you choose to continue in your sin….it will separate you from me…..again it’s my husband’s choice…. Boundaries must be put in place and if he chooses to cross those boundaries then he is saying I choose my way not God’s way and I choose to be separated from the blessings of God which includes his family.
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