Amazing Grace Part 2

The day of the ladies brunch was a day not only of facing the one I had betrayed, but facing the fact that I had to tell my daughter my terrible secret.  As I mentioned previously, my oldest girls had always wondered what had happened between us and the family we were once such good friends with.  I never could tell them.  Part of the reason is because they were too young, the other part is because I did not want to.    How do you admit something of this magnitude to your daughters?  It's hard enough to share this with a close friend but sharing this with your daughters is something a mom should never have to do! I had never looked forward to it.  There is so much fear that filled my heart when I thought about having to tell them.  What will they think of me?  How will it affect them?  Will it hurt my relationship with them?  Will they be angry at me for doing this to their dad? to their friends? Will they think differently about their mom?  Will it effect their relationship with God?   I was so afraid that the way my daughters saw me would forever change if they were to know the truth of my past.
I was about to find out because I  knew on that day, I had to tell her the truth.  No more excuses, no more getting around it.  She deserved to know.  She needed to know.   After seeing me fall apart at the brunch and loving me through it....she would have questions.  And she did.  As soon as we got in the car to leave, she started demanding. "Mom, tell me NOW what happened!"  So, with all the courage I could muster, I began to tell her what I had done.  Wow, this was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do! I hated every minute of it.  I knew I had to face more consequences and it was time.   No more wondering, no more questioning.  Did the truth bring pain to her?   Did the truth push her away from me?   All I know is that as I looked at her I saw the beauty of God's grace reflected in her eyes.  So loving, so forgiving.  All of my fears lost their power at that moment.  And I knew our relationship would not be damaged by the choices I had made.
  Even though I did not deserve it, just like Christ, she would not hold my past against me.   I knew our relationship would continue to grow, not just as mother/daughter, but as friends.  Again, God's amazing grace was bestowed upon me and this time through the heart of my daughter.  I am amazed and so very, very grateful.
So what happened next?  I had one more person I needed to be honest with, my oldest daughter.  She, too, must know the truth.  I wanted to wait for the "right" time but the longer I waited the more it seemed that I was really just avoiding what I knew I had to do.  So, finally, one evening while she was at our house, I told her.  This whole thing really stinks......but I knew I could not truly put it behind me without first telling her.  The words were hard to find, hard to speak.  She listened intently.  Going into this, I really felt like in my heart that she would forgive me and not be upset with me. And I was right.  She so beautifully let me know that she would not hold what I had done against me.  She has always been one that showed mercy so easily.  And on this day, it was no different.  We actually had an awesome conversation that went beyond what I had came into the kitchen to talk to her about. Thank the Lord...it's over, I did it, and all of those terrible fears that I had owned for so long were gone.   I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed me so much with the most wonderful daughters!
I used to think I knew what grace was.  I sang about it, talked about it, and thanked the Lord for it.  But until I came to a place where I so desperately couldn't live without it,  I really didn't get it.  I would see other's tear up as they would talk about God's grace in their lives and what He had done for them without really understanding the depth of that grace.  Yes, I knew Jesus died on the cross for me and that it was His grace that saved me and I was so thankful for that.  But after going through all of this yuck, I received a revelation of God's grace like I never had before.  He IS grace and He IS mercy and He IS worthy of all the Glory.  Amazing grace is just that....Amazing! And I will never be the same!