Just Be Held

And the vessel that He made of clay, was broken in the hand of the potter, so he returned, and made it another vessel...Jeremiah 18:4

I have read this scripture many times focusing on how God is the potter and we are the clay.  Meditating on the profound encouragement that comes from surrendering our lives on the potter's wheel,  knowing that He will mold us,  flaws and all,  into what He  has created and purposed for us to be.

However, this season of my life I noticed something that jumped off the page at me. "And the vessel that He made of clay was BROKEN in the hand of the Potter.."  There it was, it stung but with such sweet and intimate comfort.  Why? Because I was the broken vessel. Yet, HE was holding me, His broken daughter. Oh, how I so needed this.  So simple, yet so comforting. I cried, but this time it was with tears of undone abandon.  In that moment, I knew He was with me, HOLDING me, and ministering to my broken self beyond what I could even comprehend.

So dear sister,  no matter what has left you broken, you can be assured that you, too, are being tenderly HELD by the loving Potter, Himself! He created you! He is your Redeemer! He will not reject you, nor toss you aside. Your brokenness is no match for His expertise in making all things new! He has a plan to redeem you and take your brokenness and create beauty that wasn't there before! Believe it! Our God is faithful!

Summertime Survival for Wives

Summertime used to be my favorite season...that is up until my heart and mind was tainted due to my husband's addiction to porn. As a young person and even into my young adult years, I loved all that summer represented including swimming pools, beaches, water parks, sun tanning, boating, hiking, biking and the great outdoors.  However, throughout the years of my heart being wounded, something changed in me.  The season I used to look forward to and enjoy immensely, I began to dread. As each summer approached, my mind would fill with apprehensions and uneasiness.  I knew that as the temperatures went up, many would be stripping down to the bare minimum.  String bikinis, short shorts, crop tops, high hemlines, cleavage and simply put, bodies put on display just to catch the eye of MY husband...at least that is how it felt. Unfortunately, I began to resent everything to do with summer.   I know I am not alone.

Many women who have walked through the aftermath of their husband's sexual addiction experience the same overwhelming, unwanted feelings.  Though it is not talked about, there is a silent battle raging throughout the summer months for these precious and beautiful wives.

You see, if we are not careful, sexual betrayal can cause this hyper-sensitive response and insecurity in us towards anything and everything that we feel may cause our husbands to "lust".  We worry.  We fear. We wish we could just skip the season all together.  For many, this kind of stronghold becomes the new "normal" and instead of facing the root of the problem, those roots only grow deeper as each summer comes and goes.  Not good!  SO does it have to be this way?

Let's step back and think about this.  I don't know much but this I do know;  Summer comes every year, and our enemy knows He can use it to steal our JOY and cause us to miss out on creating so many beautiful memories and moments with our families. Friends, hasn't he stolen ENOUGH from us already?  He doesn't stop at trying to destroy our husbands with porn,  he is out to destroy us as well! He will use our husband's past, our already struggling insecurities, and God's beautiful season of summer to strip us of the very strength and dignity that God has already picked out for us to wear!  

SO, what's a girl to do? How can we overcome this and take back our summers?   There is no easy answer but this is what I came up with.

What we CAN'T do....(kind of obvious, but good reminders)

We can't protect our husbands from seeing beautiful women with lots of skin showing.
We can't change our culture and the trends of short shorts, low midriffs, string bikinis and cleavage galore.
We can't make our husband's look the other way.
We can't be hermits and live secluded from this sexualized culture.
We can't be our husband's Holy Spirit...though we may try, it will only hurt us more than it will help them. (trust me on this one!)

What we CAN do....

*We can get on our faces before God and ask Him to heal us from the unhealthy consequences that our husband's porn addiction has had upon our hearts and minds.

*We can release our husbands to God and trust Him to convict and speak to their heart when necessary.
We should be open and transparent with our husbands about our triggers and struggles. Once this is done, we must let it go. WE are responsible to be honest and to allow God to work in US.  It is our husband's responsibility to allow God to work in Him.

*We can quit watching our husbands to see if they are bouncing their eyes OR taking that second and third look. This is a hard one.  Let me stop here and say that in the initial days of recovery, I believe you should expect your husband to bounce his eyes and even look away as part of his steps towards deliverance. However, as time goes by and your husband continues to prove that he is serious about his recovery,  it may be you that needs to check to see if you are now the one obsessed with looking. Not at others, of course, but at your husband to "catch" him looking more than what you feel is appropriate. As wives, there is something in each of us that longs to be the ONE... the ONE our husband adores, the ONE he wants to look at, the ONE that catches his eye and keeps it.  Sometimes your husband may pass your watchful test and sometimes he won't.  Sisters, why do we let this control us and steal our peace? Why do we have to KNOW?  Lord help us! Where does trusting God with ALL of our hearts play out in these kind of scenarios?

We need a strategic battle plan on how to respond to OUR triggers...(again, it is OUR triggers, not our husband's triggers that we are to work on.  Every woman's battle plan will look a little different but here are some ideas to get you started.

1.  STOP scanning the area for women that you THINK will catch your husband's attention..  I know you do it...just stop! Has doing this helped you any?  Has it benefited your marriage?  Does it encourage you to be more like Jesus? YOU can overcome this!

2.  THINK GOD THOUGHTS. When you are feeling insecure and the need to watch your husband and what he looks at, stop.  Get a scripture that you can remind yourself of during this moment, or something to think about that turns your focus AWAY from your husband. This will take hard work and discipline at first. Do it and keep doing it.  It will get easier!

3.  PREPARE AHEAD OF TIME.  One sweet lady suggested that when you are going to be in an environment that you know is going to be hard for you and possibly your husband, be very intentional to start the day by getting into God's word and praying together.

Consider this:
Think about how you feel when you go to dinner or out for fun with your girlfriends. You are not at all worried or concerned or feel threatened by the other women around you...how they look or how they are dressed.  Practice this same "freedom" with your husband.  ENJOY your time with him instead of allowing the enemy to torment your mind with imaginations and insecurities.  Life is way too short! Sister, Christ came to set you FREE and enable you to walk in divine freedom everyday!

Have you considered the root problem of what you are dealing with? Of course all wives want to be noticed, adored and the most beautiful woman in the eyes of their husband, but you and I both know that this goes beyond the normal feelings of a wife to a downright stronghold if we are not careful. I believe the hard truth is that within these insecurities is an ugly, stinkin' cesspool of jealousy, pride, and even fear.  ALL of which the bible talks about as SIN. Is it worth it?  Sin separates us from the very ONE who loves us unconditionally!  Seriously, no man on this earth is worth separating us from our Lord and Savior.

Over the years I have battled this very same yuckiness, so I get it.  I have won some and lost many. However, since my husband began his recovery over five years ago,  I have been very intentional about where we go on vacation.  I believe in the get-go of recovery for both husband and wife, there may be a season that you forgo placing yourselves in environments that could cause issues for either spouse.  However, you can't stay stuck there, at least that is not what my heart desires. In the last five years we have been to the beach one time and it was not easy.  Do I remember the moments that upset me, NO.  But what I do remember is allowing my insecurities to steal my peace, my joy and oneness with my husband.  Just next week, we will return  there.  It has been several years now since our last visit.  We have grown, we have matured some and we are further along on this journey of healing and restoration.  Am I worried? I am not sure if worried is really the appropriate word.  I am more concerned than anything.  No so much about my husband but about me.  I want to let go of my pride, my selfishness, my past and take back the JOY of summer!  It is not up to my husband, it is up to me. I WILL be implementing some of the things listed above.  I WILL choose ahead of time how I am going to respond to my insecurities and that choice is easy when I remember that my security is NOT in my husband, but in my God who is with me, for me and loves me extravagantly. You see,  Jesus and I have been through a lot together and I know in my heart He is faithful as He has proven Himself time and time again. I believe you have experienced that, as well!   


It is Jesus who makes us brave and able to overcome the messiness this unintended journey has brought upon our hearts.  Friend, He has clothed us with strength and dignity and we must choose to act like it and think like it!



What about you?  Are you ready to experience freedom and actually have some summer fun for a change?  The truth is, the only real security you and I have in this life comes from our relationship with Christ. Is that enough for you?  Let. It. be. Sister, even if your husband was to never struggle with eyes that wonder, He will fail you in some other area.  He is not God, nor should he be elevated to a place in your heart that gives him the power to steal your peace and joy.  Lean into Jesus and pray for a deeper revelation of how very much you are loved. God created you unique and special.  Remember who you are in Christ and do NOT throw away your confidence with the changing seasons! Now go, sweet friend and ENJOY the rest of your summer!

Believe!

Sister, do you desire righteousness to be credited to you as it was with Abraham?

Can I encourage you for a moment?  Today and everyday choose to BELIEVE God's Word in spite of how you feel or what is coming against you.  Respond to life with belief in God's promises as your anchor.  This means that no matter what you see before you, what unforeseen or unintended circumstance is staring you in the face, no matter what has broken your heart, you will BELIEVE God and walk in confidence knowing that He is the ultimate promise keeper!  I KNOW this is NOT easy but GROWTH never is! Be brave and do it any way and experience the peace and faithfulness of our God!

Will you be a woman of FAITH and COURAGE and pray this prayer with me?

Lord, Help me to continually BELIEVE as Abraham believed and GROW strong and be empowered by FAITH as I praise and give glory to YOU!  May I be fully satisfied and assured that YOU ARE ABLE to keep your Word and to do what you have promised.Lord, help me to embrace these growing pains as I surrender my mess and tenaciously choose to BELIEVE your Word above all!!!

Romans 4:20-24
No unbelief or distrust made him waver (doubtingly question) concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong and was empowered by faith as he gave praise and glory to God, fully satisfied and assured that God was able and mighty to keep His word and to do what He had promised.  That is why his faith was credited to him as righteousness (right standing with God).  But the words, it was credited to him were written not for his sake alone, but they were written for our sakes too.  Righteousness will be granted and credited to us also who believe in (trust in, adhere to, and rely on) God, Who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead.

Unanswered Prayers and Longing Hearts

Daisies were my mom's favorite flower. Honestly, her life resembled their beauty. She was a sweet spirited woman of faith bringing JOY to all who knew her.  Though her life was not how she would have planned it, she stood strong and courageous and embraced her place. Throughout her marriage of almost 50 years, she believed God and kept believing when others would have given up and walked away. Hidden behind her gracious smile, her life consisted of frequent frustrations and brokenness.   The majority of this was due to my father’s enduring hidden struggle with alcoholism.  Yes, she could have walked away, she could have given up, but her stubborn LOVE, FAITH and even fearfulness kept her where she was.  Some would say that her LOVE only enabled my dad and maybe so.  I am not writing this to debate that aspect nor am I one to judge, but what I can do is share with you what I witnessed as her daughter; a wife who loved the unlovable at her own heart’s expense.  My mother’s sacrificial love and faith carried her through such difficult times that it breaks my heart even as I write this.  Because of her steadfast love for my father, my brothers and I avoided the additional scars that can come from a broken home and, with all selfishness, I praise Jesus for that.  Yes, our home was broken in other ways but our family stayed intact and I believe that aspect protected our hearts from MORE brokenness.   Out of all due respect and honor towards my father I must stop here and say that my dad was a good man, a generous man, a good father and a good provider.  He faithfully went to church and battled this demon most of his life.  He wasn't your typical alcoholic.  He hid it well while I was growing up, just as my mom hid her pain.  Actually, I can say I never saw him drunk as a child. None the less,  I saw and witnessed later, as an adult, the pain and brokenness that my mom had carried for so long.  The truth is nobody would have loved my dad, apart from God, the way that my mom loved him.  She was Jesus to him on so many different levels. 

After many years, there were sighs of relief and thankful celebration as my mom felt like her prayers had been answered when my dad checked himself into a rehab.  However, those seemingly answered prayers soon became her hearts cry once again, when months later he took his first drink back towards what his body had always craved.  Why did it seem that God answered my mother’s prayers only to find out months later that those answered prayers were only short term and  she was right back where she started, broken all over again?  How very devastating!  Can you relate?

I have been thinking so much lately about unanswered prayers, longing hearts and chronic suffering. 

 

I think about my mom (and myself) and our hope and belief in Jesus that He would deliver my dad.  After all, we knew it was God’s will for my dad to be set free from his bondage, so why wasn't he?   I know about free will, choices, and all of that however, being aware of those kinds of things doesn't lessen the pain of our heart’s longings. Besides, I know that my God can do ANYTHING!

I also think about my fervent, pleading prayers and belief for my mom to be healed of cancer and am wistfully reminded of her passing each day and most heavily each time my kids have milestone moments that we are unable to share with her.  Nevertheless, I am quite aware that we are not, by no means, the only ones on the planet to experience this kind of long-suffering in what seems to be a never-ending journey through the wilderness of pain and unmet longings.

I think about the couple who has unceasingly prayed for years to conceive a child only to have their dreams forever crushed by cancer. 

I think about the wife who spent so much of her married life praying for her husband’s heart and deliverance only to have him leave her for another woman and now she is divorced and finds herself as a single mom living the life she could have never imagined.

I think of the little girl who cries out to God to heal her daddy, only to find that he dies three months later.

I think about the parents who fervently prayed for their child who was put into prison for drugs, only to have him released and then die from an overdose.

I think about the missionary who felt the call of God to go to a foreign country, who interceded on behalf of the lost, who believed God for protection only to be martyred, never seeing the fruit of his labors.

I could go on and on about loss, suffering, and unanswered prayers and perhaps even add your story to the above.  This side of Heaven, THIS. IS. LIFE. IT. IS. HARD.  However, this is not meant to depress you, to tell you that prayer is meaningless or to deflate your faith!  Please stay with me.

My mom has since past away, as well as my dad.  Her prayers were never answered this side of heaven, yet she died in faith, STILL believing that our God is faithful.  And you know what?  There are MANY who passed before her, whose FAITH stood the test of much patience, suffering, brokenness, along with those who were burned, tortured, stoned, imprisoned, whipped and oppressed even unto death. Of course, for the most part, these beautifully brave and courageous followers of Christ were not noticed by our world.  Their faith did not earn them any special accolades or awards.  I can promise you this; if they were standing before us they would say none of that mattered to them.  They were doing what they did for an audience of ONE.  Friends, that ONE took SPECIAL notice of their kind of faith, so much so, that He felt it important enough to speak of them…

All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth. Obviously people who say such things are looking forward to a country they can call their own. If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back.  But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. Hebrews 11:13-14

Did you catch that?  Read the first part again.

All these people died still believing what God had promised them.  

They did not receive what was promised…

Friends, sometimes our prayers are answered quickly, obviously, and even miraculously.  Our faith is ignited and our doubts are laid dormant in light of God’s evident working power in our lives and in the lives of those around us.  Other times, God’s perfect plan comes to fruition in ways that we might not recognize or understand.

 

Over the long haul of asking and believing, it gets tough. We get weary.  Our faith wavers.  We don’t like to think about having to continue in the wilderness of suffering and unmet longings and certainly we don’t want to even consider leaving this earth without seeing our gut-wrenching prayers answered.  Friend, you already know this, but maybe it is time to really embrace it; your prayers may not be answered THIS side of Heaven the way you would like them to be.  Can you be okay with that? 

Friend,  whatever it is you are praying for or against, GOD has a purpose weaved all through it.  He lovingly filters ALL things that affect the lives of his children.  If he allowed it, HE plans to use it for GOOD.  Not only will He use it to transform YOU, but to bring about HIS Kingdom purposes on this earth and in the hearts of those you love.

 

This is a quote worth sharing;

“We can be sure our prayers are answered precisely in the way we would want them to be answered if we knew everything God knows.”  Tim Keller

If you step back and look at it from a Heavenly perspective, those in Hebrews 11 really received the GREATER promise…the promise of their happy eternal after with Jesus.  By God’s grace and strength, that is what they kept their eye on, as the scripture tells us.  That is how they faced the horrific and unimaginable suffering that they were subjected to.  I pray that I could do the same. How about you?

Friends, this journey on this earth is NOT the MAIN thing!  So much of the time we are so short sighted that we lose our eternal perspective.  In the scheme of things, THIS life on earth is SO short, so minute compared to eternity.  Let me just remind all of us that God’s calling upon our lives, first and foremost is to be His hands and feet to a lost and dying world.  That is God’s heart…to save the lost.   Are we grieving over the lost and interceding for them or are we obsessing over our own unanswered prayers? I know for me, sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own little world that I lose sight of what is REALLY important.  I get so distracted by what is right in front of me.  

Don’t misunderstand me; I am in no way belittling the heart-wrenching things you may be praying about.   Even as I write this, there are tough and difficult circumstances in my own life that I am continually laying on the alter of prayer.  I say continually because I am so quick to want to pick it up again so I have have to revisit that place of surrender quite often.   Of course God doesn't need me to do that... I need me to do that!!  WHY? Because my flesh is weak. I want things fixed NOW! I don't like waiting, I don't like feeling out of control, I don't like pain, and I don't like the unknown.  So, are things changing? No, not things...but what is changing is me.  Trusting, believing, and even waiting brings growth and maturity that cannot come otherwise.  For now, that is MORE important to my loving Father than to change the circumstances I am praying about.  So,  I will keep praying and believing that my God is in control and hears every prayer. I can be confident that God has a Divine plan that exceeds my limited vision.

It is obvious that prayer is important to God.  After all, it has been noted that there are around 650 prayers in the bible. Prayer is powerful and brings about amazing and Divine things on this earth! Jesus even prayed and as follower's of Christ it is so very important that we do the same!

Without prayer, there is no communication and no communication means no relationship!  Prayer is not necessarily all about the asking NOR the answering, it’s about opening our hearts up to have communion with our Savior and connecting our hearts to His.  Therefore, keep praying, by all means.  And as you do so, think about your difficulties this way; if what you are suffering and/or praying for is keeping you humble and dependent upon Jesus then consider it a divine blessing of grace! Amen?!

Will you continue to believe God and not allow your faith to be shaken though your prayers may seem stagnant in the wilderness of waiting or chronic long suffering? Can you passionately pray a bold and courageous prayer just as Jesus did and proclaim from the depth of your soul “not my will but thine be done”?  Lord, Jesus help us!

Will YOUR name be added to the precious saints that God deemed worth mentioning because, by FAITH, you continue to believe until your last breath on earth?  I don’t know about you, but Hebrews 11:13 gives me tenacious HOPE and a resolve to bravely and steadfastly continue to BELIEVE and TRUST God no matter how long the waiting or the pain of brokenness my heart may endure.

 

Back to my mom’s prayers…what seemed to be unanswered prayers were actually divinely answered! My dad received his deliverance the day he entered Heaven.  Before passing he had many “God” moments that I was so very blessed to witness.  He even wrote out a note that was read at his funeral in which he asked not only God’s forgiveness, but the forgiveness of those he had caused pain.  God’s grace is so amazing!

And my prayers for my mom’s healing?  God heard and God answered.  She is healed now, no longer does her heart hurt nor her body… she is with Jesus and that is the best answered prayer on the planet! Do I LIKE the way my prayers were answered? For my mom's benefit, YES, Absolutely! As for my benefit...not so much!  My selfish self wants her here with me.  However, I have embraced the fact that my heart's longing will never be fulfilled until I get to Heaven when I am reunited with her. SO thankful that because of Jesus, I have MUCH to look forward to and so do YOU!!

Friend, God sees you! God hears you and His perfect love for you will answer your hearts cry as every circumstance and every difficulty is filtered through His amazing grace.  Keep praying, keep believing, keep trusting, and keep serving!  Always remember what God has ALREADY done for you! May you be filled with HOPE as you see heaven and Jesus as the backdrop in every single thing you encounter on this journey! He is faithful and the ultimate Promise Keeper! Believe it! 

Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her. Luke 1:45

So we do not look at what we can see right now, the troubles all around us, but we look forward to the joys in Heaven which we have not yet seen.  The troubles will soon be over; the joys to come will last forever.  2 Corinthians 4:18

But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:31

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be

moved.  Psalm 55:22

Only fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart.  For consider what great things He has done for you. 1 Samuel 12:24

The Journey after Restoration: Hardened Hearts and Hope for Discouraged Wives

What do you do if you know that your husband is going through a difficult season? Maybe his heart seems hardened.  Maybe his attitude is less than loving.  What if your husband seems to be luke-warm or even cold hearted towards God?

What if the same husband USED to have an addiction to porn, surrendered his heart and life to Jesus, was delivered and now, after several years of what you thought was freedom, the above is what describes this season of your journey?  How do you handle the messy moments of this unwanted, unplanned threat to your security?  Do you panic?  Do you live your life in fear that he will return to his captivity? What DO you do? What CAN you do?

Let me first say, I am so sorry!  I understand how you may feel like the rug is being pulled out from under you leaving you struggling to stand on your own two feet. From my own experience, I can suggest to you what NOT to do.

For starters, you don't dig at him and ask questions, expecting and hoping for a certain response...you WILL get HURT and you WILL be disappointed!  I have tried this in the past...it does NOT work!  His heart is not right so why would you expect a "right" answer that is going to make you feel loved and validated? Do not set yourself up for being hurt. As you may have already experienced, sometimes it is more HURTFUL than USEFUL to try to speak TRUTH and have an intimate conversation or confrontation with your husband when his heart is hardened.  Try as you may, it usually doesn't end well.  Can you relate?

This is so very hard when your marriage has experienced the fruit of his relationship with Jesus and are now witnessing a change, a pulling away of sorts from the "glue" that has held your marriage together.  It is scary, especially if there has been a history of betrayal in his past!

You remember what your marriage was like before Jesus and before your husband's deliverance. You worry about your heart being broken (again). You worry about the choices he may be making. I understand. I have felt the same uneasy, uncomfortable, anxiety over this very thing.  You speak to him, no, let's just say it...you NAG at him, trying so desperately to pull him back, to help him see. You are hoping it's just a glitch, a bad day, a bad-mood-kind-of-moment but soon you realize it has been more than just days but weeks.  Your mind can only imagine what has lead him to this place. Of course, you assume the worst. AND it drives you crazy.  He stops praying with you. He stops responding to alter calls. He seems to be losing his way.  The MORE you see this the MORE you feel your marriage slipping right along with him and your heart caving to despair and discouragement. 

IF you are not careful, offense will attach itself to your heart. Defeating thoughts will torment you. "How COULD he do this? This is NOT how his post-deliverance and living in the promised land of God's restoration and redemption was supposed to look like."

Sister, I am not here to candy coat this...it is real and IT IS HARD.  However, this is where YOUR response can make ALL the difference! You have a choice to make.  You can become so angry and so concerned about your own heart getting hurt that YOU become just as selfish and full of pride as your husband.  Just as his heart has hardened, yours begins to harden, too. You begin to rehash the past in your mind until it spews ugliness from your mouth. You begin to treat him poorly. You start judging his motives and everything about him. Oh, friend, it can get so messy. These are not good choices! They will not accomplish ANYTHING productive or good!  The better choice...the right choice is to obey the Word of God by defeating the enemy's attack on your mind and continue to walk as the strong and courageous woman that YOU are in Christ.  Friend, even though your deepest desire is to see your husband grow towards Christ and your heart is hurting because of his unloving and selfish attitude and choices, your BEST RESPONSE is to show respect towards him no matter how you feel, love him as he is (as Christ has loved you) and continue to pray for him.  Let me remind you that you can't change him, fix him, or make his choices for him.

TRUE LOVE gives FREEDOM, not control, manipulation, or punishment.  The choices  your husband makes may lead to costly consequences but those are his choices to make and subsequently, that may be the very thing that God uses to draw your husband back to him.

Let me ask you, do you think God is surprised about your husband's heart?  Do you think He did not know you would go through this difficult season?  Friend, He knew all about it and He lovingly and protectively has poured out HIS Grace upon YOU to sustain you. Having a hard time seeing it?  FEAR has a way of blinding us and binding us so that we are too paralyzed to see or even feel the presence of GOD with us.

Living in fear is NO way to live!  You USED to live that way, remember? Don't allow yourself to return to YOUR captivity!  I know it is NOT easy.  It requires work, discipline, and a heart that desires to please GOD MORE than satisfying your hurting flesh. BUT it is SO worth it!

Can I encourage you to take some time and intentionally step out of the FEAR mode and boldly and honestly face the fears satan is using to torment you. First of all, realize that since your husband surrendered his life to Jesus, he is NOT the same man he was before deliverance.  Yes, unfortunately, his heart may be changing in some ways during this season, but that does not mean he will return to his old habits or old ways. However, you must KNOW this;  EVEN IF YOUR HUSBAND RETURNS TO HIS BONDAGE, your GOD LOVES YOU and your GOD WILL take care of you.  Go ahead and just go there and think about it so that the enemy's tormenting thoughts will lose their power over you...amen?  Pour out your heart and release your fears to God! Declare out loud, "God, no matter what I will TRUST you!"  As His beloved daughter, you CAN have God's surpassing peace in spite of your husband's hardened heart. Amen?!  YOU WILL BE OKAY!

The same Jesus who saved and delivered your husband is the SAME Jesus who can soften his heart and draw him back.   In ONE sudden moment, His love can change even the hardest of hearts. He is ABLE! TRUST HIM.  Believe He is working beyond what you can see.  We ALL experience times when we doubt God, question God, pull away from God, and even turn away from God.  No doubt, you have probably had  these kinds of moments, as well.  No worries! GOD IS BIGGER and God is able to move in your husband's heart but sometimes....okay, ALL the time,  we need to make sure we STAY OUT of the way. It is not an easy thing to do.  We are by nature, fixers. However, hearts can't be "fixed" like an unraveling seam.  God did not call you, nor does He hold you responsible to "fix" your husband. AND YOU, precious wife, will create havoc and all kinds of strife by trying.

As wives, we are given divine instructions on how to live out our relationship with our husbands;

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the Word, they may be won over without words, by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.  1 Peter 3:1-2

God doesn't waste words in the Bible.  There is a purpose for this scripture. The more WE talk, the less our husband's hear from God. They will respond to the voice of the Holy Spirit  more than to our voice.  God's Word tells us that our behavior is what will influence our husbands, not our words.  This is a hard TRUTH to live out, I know! BUT remember, If God said do it,  then HE will equip us with His strength and power to carry it out!

As you go through this season, you can be assured that just as God is working in your husband's heart, He is working in YOUR heart, as well.  Continually surrendering our loved ones to Jesus is not easy but painfully stretches our faith towards maturity that wasn't there before.  Though it may be hard to see now, your growth in Christ is priceless and purposeful.  Don't obsess over your husband. Don't focus on him and what he should or shouldn't be doing.  Surrender him to Jesus and keep your focus on what God is teaching YOU and calling YOU to do.  He has ministry for YOU!  There are women who need to know that they are not alone.  They need to be encouraged by someone like YOU who understands the battles they face everyday.  You friend, have Jesus... you have HOPE to share.  Don't be distracted or get side-tracked.  There are opportunities every day to be a light in the darkness of this world we live in. Don't let satan cause your light to be dimmed by using your husband to throw you in the pit of despair.  YOU are CALLED, YOU are CHOSEN, YOU are VALUED, YOU are EQUIPPED to do the GOOD things God planned for you long ago! YOU Go Girl!!!  

God, your God will cut away the thick calluses on your hearts and children's hearts freeing you to love God, your God with your whole heart and soul and live, really live. Duet. 30:6 msg 

For we are God's masterpiece.  He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.  Ephesians 2:10 

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you....Psalm 55:22

Grieving your Losses

Discovering that your husband has an addiction to porn is no doubt, devastating and life changing!   From most wives, this is what we hear:

"I feel like I don't even know him."

"My whole marriage seems like a lie."

"I never knew he could hurt me this bad."

"I don't know what is really real and what is not."

"I feel like this is all just a bad dream."

"I will never be able to trust again."

"I feel like I am no longer enough for him."

"I can't ever believe what he says to me."

Friend, I am so very sorry! You can be assured that you are not alone. You are human. These feelings are real and part of being hurt by someone you gave your heart to.  It stinks! So how do you get past them?

One thing that I have found that helps is to seriously take some time to grieve your losses.  Losing some of these things is like a death. You need time. You need to allow yourself to go through all the emotions that surround death.  Shock, anger, sadness, confusion, pain....they are all there.  How do you start?

First of all...make a list of what you feel you have lost because of your husband's addiction to porn.  Go ahead. Your list may be long but that is okay. These losses are real to you and the sooner you can acknowledge them the sooner you can move forward. 

After you have made your list...take each loss and pray about it, releasing your pain from that loss to God. Take your time. Get really honest about how you feel.  There is no way that this is a quick fix but it will definitely get you on the right track and open your heart to God's healing mercies.  Once you have prayed through each loss get rid of your list. However you wish...bury it, trash it, rip it up into shreds, burn it...etc.  This is just an outward expression of your bold and courageous decision to release what's already been lost.  In the days ahead, when you start to want to wallow in the pit of despair, you can remind yourself that you already let go of these things and that you are courageously pursuing the future God has for you.  

Precious one, though it is true that life, as you have known it, will never be the same, it is also true that as bad as your heart is hurting right now, ONE day you will see God use this whole mess for good.  He desires to do a NEW thing in you. Don't worry, he is so very patient. At some point in this grieving process, decide to be brave and make the decision to release the ashes that you are holding onto so that you can embrace the beauty God has for you. In old testament times it was common for those in mourning to put on sackcloth and ashes. Jesus came to replace those ashes with the beauty of his salvation which includes the healing of YOUR wounded heart.  

I know it is hard to embrace this thought right right now but I am going to share it anyway! Sister,  I have been in a place similar to yours... I get it, I understand this kind of pain and I can honestly say that the things you have lost don't compare to the GOOD things God has in store for you! Believe it!

Believing is Beautiful...

Lord Jesus,  help me to live the life of a brave woman who faces EVERY challenge, EVERY struggle and every messy moment BELIEVING that YOU are who YOU say that YOU are and I am who YOU say that I am!

Help me to BELIEVE your Word over what I see and feel......

Having PEACE that enables me to catch my breath and lean calmly into Jesus when my flesh tends to gasp in panic and struggle to try to fix what's broken.

Having JOY that rises up from deep within my soul in the midst of difficulties when my flesh would rather cave to discouragement, despair and throw a pity party.
 
Having CONTENTMENT with a THANKFUL heart that keeps me steady, determined and planted instead of unsettled and un-anchored so that I to want to give up and run away.

Having the LOVE of CHRIST that empowers me to love the unlovable, overlook offences and see the good instead of trying to give punishment, judgement and withdrawing when I have been wounded.

Having SECURITY in CHRIST that protects my heart and mind and helps me to walk in God-confidence rather than responding in fear and with control tactics when my heart feels threatened.

Having TRUST that assures my undone self of your unchanging LOVE that gives my quivering heart the strength to stand bravely when I feel weak and alone.

To be a woman of faith, a woman who bravely believes, is a woman that lives a blessed life exuberating the favor and beauty of her Lord...not because she doesn't struggle or hurt or lose it at times but because she radiates, from deep within, the Glory of her God.

Luke 1:45
Blessed is she who believed that the LORD would fulfill His promises to her.

Embrace YOUR Place

Questions to ponder....Is Jesus ENOUGH for you?  Can you simply TRUST HIM and be at peace?  Can you just be content right now, right where your at, in THIS place, EVEN IF nothing changes this side of heaven?  Will you BELIEVE his WORD is true for YOU!!

So many times we say we trust and we say we believe.  We sing about God's faithfulness and declare that HE IS ABLE and yet we walk around FULL of worry, fear, anxiety, doubt, and discouragement. That is NOT the fruit of trusting and believing!!

SO let me ask...What if what you are praying for does not come to pass this side of heaven?  OR what if the thing that you fear happening actually happens.... (the things we worry about usually don't occur but just go there with me for a moment).  What then?  Can you trust that GOD is STILL in control? Will you believe that HIS love for YOU never changes even though your circumstances do?  Will you trust HIS ways when you can't always understand?

Instead of trying to pray away your difficult season, embrace YOUR place! Open your eyes and your heart to what God may be trying to teach you. Challenges can be blessings in disguise because they are opportunities for growth and teachable moments that would have otherwise been missed! SOME things simply can't be taught by books or sermons but by REAL life, pain in the gut, keep breathing, keep moving, keep holding onto Jesus kind of days!

Consider this.... God has already demonstrated how extravagantly He loves YOU by sending Jesus to REDEEM you!  However, HE didn't stop there...He then gave you the gift of the Holy Spirit to fill you with ALL that you would need in order to live out the God-given plans and purposes HE has ordained specifically for YOU!  If  HE never answered another prayer, is THAT enough?

This journey is NOT an easy one but it IS a temporary one!!  Don't wait for things or people to change to embrace the LIFE, JOY and PEACE that is yours.  You go, you grow, you shine brightly right where you are!! IN Christ, no matter what kind of mess surrounds you there are mercies to uphold you!! WHATEVER you may be facing, it is only a small chapter of a much BIGGER story that goes way beyond the here and now.

Friend, EMBRACE YOUR PLACE in Christ! This very day is a gift and God has a PURPOSE in giving it to YOU!!   Yes, even if it IS a tough day, a painful day, or a bad hair day...our Jesus is ENOUGH!

..in Him you have been made complete...Colossians 2:10

My on-going journey of hope and healing...

It has been over four years since my marriage seemed to have died to the way I had always known it.  A defining season that I will not easily forget. Such deep pain and yet such glorious sweetness mixed in. Days and nights of uncontrollable tears. Many moments of anger, rage, ugly revelations along with hurtful memories.  Questions and more questions. Disbelief, despair, hopelessness, fear and then hitting the repeat button  many times over. Yes, it was HARD before deliverance.  But you know what, IT is STILL HARD.  So very hard.  YES, even after several years of recovery.  I didn't see this coming. I thank God for the MANY blessings and beautiful things that HE has resurrected from the ashes but those did not come without first having to wade through some difficult and painful stuff.

You see, I was THAT wife.  I used to think that if my husband would just be set free from his porn addiction, life would be wonderful and we would have the marriage I have always dreamed of...our "happily ever after."   You know, love like the Hallmark movies. Have you had those thoughts, as well? It's like porn is this HUGE horrific tsunami of a storm that continually hovers over you, that stops you in your tracks and destroys over and over your peace and your hope for a story book marriage. On the other side of this raging storm you envision beautiful peaceful sunny days and blue romantic calm skies.  You dream about it.  You long for it. The life you THOUGHT you would have.  IF that ONE issue could be fixed then life would be FULL of blissful happiness. Well, those expectations were BEFORE deliverance. BEFORE the last four+ years. Nobody told me differently.  Nobody warned me. It is a journey, not an instant "your okay so now I am okay" type of event that we imagine.  Yes, I saw my husband have his bad days....days where he struggled. However, his battle was so much different than mine. His struggles came and went, my brokenness was with me all the time. No escaping it, no just changing environments, no removing the source of my temptation, no filters to block it. Sisters, please tell me you can relate to this!! Don't judge me, I am just being REAL and HONEST.

You see, BEFORE our recovery began, with great courage and strength like never before I had begun envisioning my life without him. I had given up on my him and my marriage and had resigned to the idea that it was over.   I was actually relieved at the thought that I would no longer worry about what my husband was looking at or thinking. I was beginning to taste freedom. AND now that mindset had changed.  I wasn't running away, I wasn't moving forward to not look back....I was still me with what felt like a ball and chain STILL attached to who I was.  I suppose it wasn't too bad because after-all it felt familiar.  This was life as I had known it.

Do I regret going through this process? NO, but have I had moments when I wanted to quit...YES!!! Let me explain. In the get-go, though my husband was willing and actively pursing his own walk of recovery I couldn't believe it.  In my heart of hearts as much as I liked what I was seeing from him, I had a hard time embracing it as TRUTH.  You see, we had been in this similar place many times before; promises to do better, commitments to do whatever it takes to keep his family in tact. There were YEARS of this very thing. I am sure many of you can relate.  I did not KNOW at the time if this was really going to be the clear path to his deliverance or if once, again....he would choose his addiction over His relationship with Christ and the heart of his wife. There were SO many days when I would have rather ran away than stick around to find out OR to allow God to continue to uncover the deep wounds that seem to never stop hurting.

SO how did I cope?  I became resolute in the healing that I knew God wanted to do in my OWN heart. Seriously, I see now that if I would have chosen to walk away my mess would have been so much messier.  I would have taken YEARS of baggage with me and MORE added along the way...ugh!! YES, my husband was instrumental in the way GOD began to heal this girl's deepest wounds.  He pursued me,  held me, cried with me, told me he was sorry so many times over....and yet, I wondered if it really was too late.  Could I love this man again?  Could I dare take the risk of allowing him to so foolishly play with my heart. YES, I am so very thankful but in the get-go my flesh wanted to get as far away from him as I could.  Just the site of him made my heart hurt.  I did not want him near me let alone touch me.

As the months went on, the brokenness between to us began to heal.  God gently and lovingly poured out His amazing GRACE on both of our hearts.  Through counseling, accountability, support and prayers from our Pastor as well as close friends, our darkness began to be illuminated with the hope of God's light and restoration.  It was in that process that I learned so very much, about me, my God, and my husband. I had allowed my husband and my marriage to be an idol that needed to be removed from God's rightful place.  This was something I had done for years without even realizing.  I began to embrace the revelation that marriage is NOT about my happiness, nor my husband's happiness but God's holiness being created within two imperfect people loving with the perfect love of Christ.

Having been on the other side now for a few years I have found out that it was my many expectations set me up for disappointment and hurt that I didn't see coming. Though I do not condone divorce, I can certainly understand why some women choose to walk away even though her prayers for her husband's deliverance were answered. It is NOT easy. It may even be the hardest thing yet. This is the part nobody talks about.  Like, really....my husband was delivered and I STILL can't get it together! Each journey that a woman takes towards healing will look different. Some will be harder than others. Some will take longer than others. My husband battled his addiction for YEARS so there were MANY layers of brokenness, wounds, and wrong thinking that GOD has had to plow through.

SO this brings us to where we are today on this journey.  Well, we have had some amazing moments and learned so much more about each other and about the faithfulness of our God. God has opened up doors for us to use what we have been through to give HOPE to others and it's such a beautiful, humbling thing. I can't tell you how much JOY that has brought to my heart. God IS our deliverer, our healer, and He DOES restore marriages and redeem our lives.  We are living proof! That is what we have to share,  to proclaim!  But can I tell you that even AFTER those amazing things when our hearts still hurt and sometimes I would just like to feel normal (whatever that is) that we find HE shows Himself faithful STILL!!  I would LOVE to be able to tell you that our marriage is the marriage I always dreamed of. That on the other side of our storm or porn addiction/deliverance, all we see are those beautiful sunny days and peaceful blue skies. But that is just not the case..but it is STILL beautiful in a summer thunderstorm kind of way.


Once we got through the first couple of years, things seemed good...really good! However the 3rd and now even the 4th year has been one of the hardest.   It is definitely not what I expected...and therein, again lies the problem.

Expectations and  imaginations...if we are not careful,  can lead us down a road to huge disappointment and even despair.  My expectations and reality collided leaving me with a choice to make.  I could wallow in it and be angry or I could remind myself that GOD already knew.... He knew THIS year would be one of the hardest.  He knew 4 years ago what was ahead...and yet I know that fighting for my marriage was what I was called to do.

You see, at the beginning of this year the word He laid upon my heart for 2014 was FAITHFULNESS.

He was calling me to be faithful...as a daughter, a wife, a mom, a friend.... in the day in and day out, in the nitty-gritty of life.  In my attitude, in my responses, in my relationship with Christ.  Of course, I did not know it but He knew. He knew my faithfulness would be challenged in ways I never saw coming. Sister, it was THAT challenge to obedience that  enabled me to dig my heels in and not be shaken, not be moved but to stand strong in who God has called me to be. There were many moments when I was just been plain tired.  Can you relate?  Tired of trying, tired of wrestling, tired of struggling.... I have noticed that it hasn't been the "BIG" things that have been my biggest battles but the little things, the petty things, the seriously silly things.  There are still triggers that trip me up, that make me a mess and I wonder if I will EVER be normal loving wife.  But then again, what is normal? What does that look like, really? You see, I also had expectations that once my husband was delivered from his addiction that he would be a WHOLE new man. Don't get me wrong, in some ways he IS a new man,...just not the NEW man I had envisioned.  There ARE things that are different about him but often times I allow my own selfishness to cast shadows on those things and I am left disappointed and discontent.  Instead of focusing on the amazing things God has done IN HIM, IN our marriage, and IN me....I, so many times allowed myself to go back to the pit GOD delivered us from. The "why me?" and the "I can't believe the horrible pain my husband put me through..." and on and on. And God, why can't this just be easier, after all it's been a few years now! That is when, God, so sweetly and kindly would remind me His call for my faithfulness and what that looks like in my everyday life.

SO if you, like me, are on the other side of your story of deliverance and redemption and things STILL seem hard and difficult.  It's okay. Breathe. Relax. Your story is NOT over.  Yes, there will be more hard moments, hard seasons, hard years.  But remember..GOD IS FAITHFUL! He is growing you, teaching things that can't be taught by books and counseling.

Praise God, we made it through 2014.  I thank Him everyday for HIS grace and mercy that brought us through and that ONE word that has so much MORE meaning now.  By God's grace I will continue to be faithful.

So what is my word for 2015?  BELIEVE!!!  Not sure what this year has in store but what I do know is that God is FAITHFUL and no matter what storms come our way, if we choose to submit our lives to HIM, he WILL see us through and make even the ugliest parts of us beautiful!  What is your word for 2015?  If you don't have one, I want to encourage you to pray about it.  God will lay one upon your heart.  Once He does...seek out each and every scripture that you can find that relates to your word and then find ONE that is your go-to scripture when you are being challenged!! it will be life-changing and you will be amazed by what you learn through out the year.
Many blessings to you in 2015!! Let's do this!!

Choosing to be FAITHFUL even on the bad days.........

Not so long ago, I found myself in a hard place. You probably know what I mean.  It's one of those times where your whole life seems off kilter. You try, you pray, you try some more and STILL can't seem to have peace and respond in a manner that lines up with who you are as a daughter of God.  Well, it was in the midst of that hard place that God showed my stubborn self  what my problem was. You see, I was praying for God's help...I wanted to choose HIS ways over my own and to be faithful and obedient to His Word with my actions, yet I failed many times over.  Why?  Because I kept allowing my thoughts to center around what was right BEFORE me instead of the ONE who was FOR me! It doesn't work! Faithfulness comes only by keeping our eyes on GOD and desiring obedience to His Word MORE than attempting to control our circumstances. Honestly, we can say all the right prayers but if we get up from our knees and go right back to focusing on our mess then our strength and courage will be quickly depleted.

Can I encourage YOU today? Sister,  if you KNOW God has called you to remain FAITHFUL where you are, don't challenge your obedience by focusing on the situation, the difficulty, the person, or the pain. That is just a set-up for defeat.  Instead, focus on GOD and you WILL move forward in PEACE and in HIS strength and favor!

As a wife, mom, friend and daughter of God, walk worthy of your calling! Yes, it may be painful and difficult, however, if you are at a hard place where you KNOW you can't move one inch forward without the Grace and presence of GOD almighty then get ready to experience Christ in a brand new intimate way! This is called growth.  Your burdened heart WILL experience beautiful blessings as you push through.  Don't miss them.  Stop long enough to SEE them, to see HIM....Jesus in the midst of your mess.  He IS right there with you!! Focus on HIM!

It is SO easy to get distracted, to become so preoccupied with what is right in front of you that you forget what God has previously showed you about the season that you are in. I get that!

Your marriage may be difficult.
Your husband may be struggling with a porn addiction.
Your child may have broken your heart.
You may be sick in body.

Dear one, I do not know what your facing this very moment but what I do KNOW is that the ONE who calls you to be FAITHFUL is the FAITHFUL One! He will equip you, empower you, and sustain you to respond in faithfulness to who you are as His beloved daughter! The TRUTH is, in Christ you have ALL you need to be who He has called you to be right now, in this place, in this moment, in THIS season!

Friend, there is beauty and blessings to be found in your midst, all you have to do is change your focus and be willing to be obedient to God right where you are.

Faithfulness brings favor, fruitfulness, and freedom!

Let's be intentional with our thoughts and walk in faithfulness in ALL areas of our lives starting today, no matter what our messy looks like! Because our messy invites God's mercies as we choose to act in obedience to HIS Word... to God be the Glory!!

Only fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart.  For consider what great things He has done for you.  1 Samuel 12:24

Now the God of peace, who brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, make you perfect in every good work to do His will, working in you that which is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. Hebrews 13:20-21

As a prisoner for the LORD, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Ephesians 4:1

Bitterly Broken Woman or Beautifully Beloved Daughter?

All of us have been wounded at one time or another.  All of us have been hurt by someone who was supposed to love us. Your friends may not have been wounded as you have been because of your husband's addiction to porn, but they have been wounded, nevertheless. That. is. life.

In the rawness of our pain, we begin to believe the lie that we are the ONLY one and that our hurt is GREATER than anyone else's.  We become angry as our self talk screams that life is NOT fair and someone (our husband) needs to pay for our brokenness.

We can hold so tightly to the pain that the weight of it keeps us in a PIT of despair threatening to destroy the very core of who we are.   The chains soon wrap around our broken hearts as self-pity consumes us and a root of bitterness begins to grow.  Been there!! What do we do?

Dear friend, we all have a choice to make! The vital question I must ask you....what will YOU choose?

Will your life portray a bitterly broken woman or a beautifully beloved daughter?

One is trapped in a prison of her own making, the other is free not because there is no pain but because she has learned the importance of surrendering her broken heart to her Savior.  She understands the reality of our journey on this earth was not guaranteed to be pain free.  We were NEVER promised that. Not here. Not now. Not this side of heaven.

Those closest to us are the ones who have the potential to hurt us the most.  Sad, but true. Why? because we love them SO very much. Yes, we have the strongest feelings for them but when they have wounded us, we can also have the worst feelings for them!

The truth is the resentment, anger, bitterness and unforgiveness that is trying to destroy you is MORE toxic than the actual source of your brokenness!  In other words, it is not your husband's addiction to porn that will harden your heart...it is YOUR response to it that will do the most damage.  Oh, sister if we can only get a picture of this! Your enemy will try to use your husband's hurtful choices to blacken YOUR heart just as much as he has used the addiction to blacken the heart of your husband.  He is out to destroy not only your husband and your marriage but YOU, as God's beloved daughter. Let me just stop here and say.... it is okay to have those feelings...you have been deeply wounded!  It is okay to be angry, to cry, to have emotions you didn't know you had but the key is not to stay in that place.  Don't deny how you feel! Pain causes all kinds of things to surface on the get-go...I just want to encourage you to give yourself some time to deal with those feelings and determine in your heart that you will NOT let your pain destroy the YOU that God created YOU to be!

The enemy would love to destroy the beauty God desires to bring from your ashes. But, seriously, hasn't the enemy stolen enough from you??  The marriage you dreamed of, the husband you thought you knew, the intimacy and trust...isn't enough, enough???

No matter what has broken your heart and left it in pieces, there is HOPE!!  This WORD is for YOU!!

Isaiah 61:1-3

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed and qualified me to preach the Gospel of good tidings to the meek, the poor, and afflicted; HE HAS SENT ME TO BIND UP AND HEAL THE BROKENHEARTED, to proclaim liberty to the (physical and spiritual) captives and the opening of the prison and of the eyes to those who are bound.
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord (the year of His favor) and the day of vengeance of our GOD, to COMFORT ALL WHO MOURN,
To grant (consolation and JOY) to those who mourn in Zion, to give them an ornament (a garland or diadem) of BEAUTY INSTEAD OF ASHES, THE OIL OF JOY instead of mourning, the garment of PRAISE INSTEAD OF A HEAVY, BURDENED, and FAILING SPIRIT, that THEY MAY BE CALLED OAKS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, the planting of the LORD, that HE MAY BE GLORIFIED.

Sweet one, did you get that? Read it again!! Jesus came for YOU and for me....for the broken! You do NOT have to allow "THIS" to destroy you, whatever your "THIS" is!!! Friend, JESUS already purchased your healing and wholeness! He CAME to HEAL your brokenness, to give you beauty for your ashes, JOY instead of mourning, the garment of PRAISE instead of the heavy burdened failing spirit that you now may be experiencing!  Oh, how HE loves YOU!!! He knows of your brokenness, He SEES your tears, HE understands your pain!  

WHAT is His purpose for this promise??  "that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified."

Here, God likens His people (HIS daughters) to Oaks of righteousness. This speaks volumes about the way HE sees YOU!! Oak trees are known for their great strength and stubborn durability. Their strength and life do not come from what you can see on the outside but from their deep roots that are hidden underground. The root system grows so deep into the soil as to reach the water and nutrients that is needed for them to be what they were created to be. These deep and large roots provide the foundation for this tree to withstand all kinds of conditions from wind, drought, storms, and even earthquakes.  That is God's heart for YOU and for me and for all of His beloved children.   Jeremiah gives us an even clearer picture of what this looks like:

                                                Jeremiah 17:7-8

(Most) blessed is the man (woman) who believes in, trusts in, and relies on the LORD and whose hope and confidence the LORD is.

For he (she) shall be like the tree planted by the waters that spread out its roots by the water;  and it shall not see and fear when heat comes; but its leaf shall be green.  It shall not be anxious and full of care in the year of drought, nor shall it cease yielding fruit.

Your hope my friend, your trust, your confidence, the ONE you rely on must be in the ONE who loves YOU like no other!!  Even now. It's not your husband, your best friend, your pastor, your parents! THE ONLY ONE who can bring light to your darkness is the ONE who is LIGHT!! Make no mistake about it.... God did not cause your brokenness but HE is the ONE who desires to heal you totally and completely.  Will you turn to HIM? Will YOU trust HIM??    I can promise you this, if you do...YOU will see the above promises fulfilled in your own life for HIS glory!!!  You will find strength and courage and confidence to get out of the PIT that satan desires to keep you in and grow deep roots so that nothing can destroy the beautiful fruit that GOD desires to bring forth from your brokenness. 

Friend, I believe YOU desire to live out your God-given destiny as His beautiful beloved daughter! Don't waste another moment.  Turn to Jesus, tell him of your hurts, release your anger, bitterness, and allow Him to grow your roots deep within the soil of HIS unending, unrelenting, unchanging love for YOU!!! Don't allow the roots of bitterness and the like poison and infect the strong deep roots in Jesus that He has for you.  YOU are the reason he came....to heal YOUR heart, to set YOUR heart free from the storms, the wind, the rain, the hurt, the pain, the bitterness, the anger, all for the display of HIS splendor!!! NO matter what your husband chooses to do, no matter what hard decisions or boundaries you need to put in place... Let HIS beauty shine forth IN YOU!!! Day after day, remind yourself to TRUST HIM, to put your HOPE and CONFIDENCE in HIM alone!! He will NOT fail YOU!!! He is FAITHFUL, Always!!! YOU ARE HIS BEAUTIFULLY BELOVED DAUGHTER!!

See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.  Hebrews 12:15

The Body of Christ; Light in the Darkness or Shadows of Gray?

When you read the bible, you realize that sexual sin issues and strongholds are NOTHING new. It is an area that will always be satan's battleground this side of heaven.  He horrifically takes the beauty of what God created for GOOD and twists it and darkens it only to bring destruction.  That is why, as followers of Christ, we need to hold on the the GOOD and expose the bad by speaking TRUTH about such things.


However, most churches just skim the surface and/or avoid addressing these subjects all together and the TRUTH that brings freedom is being replaced with the LIES that are holding many captive.

Unfortunately, it is so difficult for there to be transparency within the body of Christ when it comes to sexual sins and addictions. If an alter call is given for those struggling, the alter, in most churches, will remain empty.  It is far too shameful and risky.  WHY is that?  In a world where we are bombarded with sexual images and promiscuity, it really makes NO sense!

Just walk through the halls of your local high school campus.  NO fear there!  Teenagers are talking about it and not even batting an eye.  Young girls are becoming comfortable sending pictures of their nude bodies or "selfies" to their boyfriends.  Sexting is now the "popular" was to communicate.  Our young people are being trained at an early age that sexiness is what's important and brings significance to who you are. Our young boys are believing it, as well! Girls bodies are only objects to be glorified! As a senior girl in high school if you are not happy with how your are built, parents are giving the gift of boob jobs to only confirm what the world is telling them.  UGH!!!! We are all buying into what the world says is important.

NO doubt, the pathway to destruction is an easy one.  It starts with lust...with one look, with one selfish thought.  Why arn't we talking about these things?

Where is the LIGHT that the church is called to be?  Could it be that our light is being overshadowed by gray, luke-warm christianity?

WHY isn't the church a safe place to address such things?  Our young people WANT answers and guidance and WE as a whole are failing them in a huge way!  WHY do we make it such a taboo subject when it is ALL around us?

These issues are REAL and they are destroying families and tearing our nation apart including "christian" homes.

Statistics prove that the majority of those addicted to porn are NOT outside the church any longer, but sitting in our church pews, leading our youth groups, teaching our children, and even preaching from our pulpits.  Last I read was that 52% of the men sitting in our congregations are struggling with porn. That does NOT include all the young people who are struggling!! What? 52% is HUGE especially when you think of all of the wives, families and homes that are affected. These men are our spiritual leaders!

Yes, satan knows exactly what he is doing!  It's the secret sin in our churches today!  You can dress your Sunday best, speak your christianeese, attend every church service, give a great sermon, all without anyone ever knowing about the bondage that holds you captive.  Sadly, even though the stats say that at least half of the men in our congregations are struggling, it seems that the church as a whole doesn't want to believe it nor address it!  What's it going to take?

The TRUTH is, our men and boys are being bombarded with sexual JUNK everyday! How DOES a man live in this society and remain pure? Are they being equipped to handle the enemy's seduction or are they just being patted on the back and sent on their way as prime targets?

The silence has left ALL of us vulnerable and an open door for the enemy and his destruction to invade us to the very core.  Shouldn't Pastors EVERYWHERE be speaking TRUTH about these issues and WARNING the body of Christ about these types of seductions? NOT just once a year, but continually!!!  After all, let's be REAL....what do most men and yes, even "christian" men think about?  What do most teenagers think about. SEX. Now days you can't avoid it with the way the world blatantly displays it!!!  Our silence is allowing the dark seeds of this world to permeate and grow in the confines of our own churches and homes! Seriously, are we being courageous or cowards?  Think about it!

Our culture handles it just the opposite.  NO guessing what the majority boldly proclaims!  They make it quite clear with no apologies!  The MORE skin the better.  Sex sales!  THEY are not ashamed of it at all!!  The bombard us with sexual images and innuendos day in and day out.  It's ALL over the TV, the movies, in the media, the news, sporting events, billboards, on the internet....it is EVERYWHERE! The world is portraying a twisted, tainted, view of sexuality and they have everyone's attentions, including those who claim to be followers of Christ.  They ARE influencing our hearts and we  just accept it without saying a word.

The longer the church keeps silent the MORE casualties there will be in this WAR against the enemy!

How are our boys AND men going to know how to handle this kind of assault if they are not equipped? How will they learn the proper way to view women? ALL men need to be equipped BEFORE the addictions start and families are destroyed!! Isn't that what the church is for...the equipping of the saints? How about being PRO-ACTIVE instead of having to be reactive when a marriage is on the brink of divorce because of such things! Instead of practicing damage  control why not educate, encourage, and speak TRUTH in hopes to HELP them avoid the minefields and the traps that satan sets for them on a DAILY basis?

This rant is long, I know and I have repeated some things over. However, it is my heart's cry to encourage Pastors, leaders and parents everywhere to be BOLD, to speak the REAL hard TRUTHS, and to expose the LIES of the enemy when it comes to sexual sin issues.  Last time I checked, God takes it pretty seriously, why shouldn't we?

Let's get the conversations started!  Let's talk about the MANY consequences that the world ignores!  I won't go there on this rant but there are not only spiritual consequences but physical consequences, as well.  UGH!!! There is a high price to be paid alright for our silence and you can be assured that our future generations will be paying for it long after we are gone if we continue to put our head in the sand.  These issues are NOT going away, actually I am confident that the worst is yet to come! Then what?

The TRUTH is we need to teach AND equip with regards to these kinds of issues as boldly and unashamedly as the world portrays them!  We need to take back the values that exemplify the character of CHRIST!

Sadly, instead of finding FREEDOM from such things at the alters of our churches, in community with believers...those held captive are walking away bound, wounded and fearful of being exposed.  If our alters are empty because men and women are afraid to admit they are struggling (because MANY are), then something desperately needs to change!  We need to create an environment of FREEDOM and HOPE where they can be REAL and transparent.  Where else can a man or woman turn who desires HELP and needs deliverance and support?  THEY NEED JESUS.  They need the church to act and be as CHRIST intended.  A place they can run to, not run from.  Just sayin'.  What do YOU think?

1 Cor 6:18
FLEE from sexual immorality.

Revelation 21:8
But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to CONTROL his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the gentiles who do not know God.

Ephesians 5:5
FOR YOU CAN BE SURE OF THIS, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure or who is covetous (that is, an idolater) has no inheritance in the Kingdom of Christ and God.

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Don't Miss the Beauty!

In marriage, don't miss the BEAUTY that emerges as you have a front row seat to witness the transforming power of Jesus in you AND your spouse!

As you grow together, as you mature together...you realize the greatest miracle has taken place in your midst!

When you look at how far you have come over the years...what you, your spouse and Jesus have over come together, you behold beauty like you have never seen before! The trials, difficulties, disappointments, pain, losses, betrayals, and brokenness become a picture of restoration, freedom, healing, grace, deliverance, forgiveness, mercy and hope!

You realize it was only by experiencing those "messy, hurtful, would rather avoid" kind of things that you can NOW testify to the FAITHFULNESS of our God!

He IS our Healer, Deliverer, Redeemer...the God who NEVER gives up on us! He IS the God of the 2nd, 3rd, and umpteenth chance! How do I know? Because I have experienced HIS extravagant LOVE and GRACE first hand! What about YOU?

During challenging days or seasons, it is SO easy to focus on the difficulties and your "mess" so much that you miss the "God" picture that is being beautifully created!  Step back, breathe and REFOCUS your attention to the ONE who knows YOU by name! Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that HE HATH MADE EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL IN IT"S TIME!  Everything means EVERY thing! There is not ONE thing that goes untouched by HIS love, mercy and grace!

So what do YOU see?  Do you, like me, need to refocus?

Friends, there is NO pit too deep, no sin too great that HE does not redeem as we surrender our mess, our marriages, our spouse, our lives to HIM! He is FAITHFUL!!

Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-who forgives all your sins, and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.
Psalm 103:2-4

For sisters who love someone who struggles with porn...

When I see the stats regarding “Christian” men who are struggling with an addiction to porn my heart breaks! Why? Because for every husband who is struggling there is a wife who is broken.  She is left hurt, isolated, full of shame… not knowing where to turn. Her husband’s secret is now her secret and she is being destroyed from the inside out.  These wounded sisters need help.  They need a safe place where they can be understood and encouraged.  I am SO thankful to share with you that Freedom Begins Here is offering such a place.  We have created a closed Facebook page for these women to find HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT from other women who have experienced healing and wholeness in Christ. The link can be found here:  www.freedombeginshere.org

We also have a support group of women in Northwest Arkansas who meet on a monthly basis.  You can find out more info about that by sending me a private message. 

SO……………. How can YOU help?

**If YOU love someone who struggles with a porn addiction, this ministry is for YOU!  It may be a husband, daughter or son.  It doesn’t matter.  This is your personal invitation to join us.  You do NOT have to walk through this difficult season alone.  There is HOPE in Christ and in community with sisters who will love you, support you and encourage you on your journey towards healing and wholeness! Friend, be courageous and join us today!

**If YOU are a woman who has experienced healing in Christ from this kind of betrayal, please carefully consider joining us in ministering to those who are wounded.  (2 Cor 1:3-4)  The pain in your past can be used for GOOD!  Friend, Trust me, you do not have to be a counselor or psychologist...all you have to be is available.  As God has comforted you, you can comfort others and give them HOPE.  You WILL be blessed by being a blessing!

**If YOU know of anyone who you feel would benefit from this ministry, please pass this information along to them.

**If none of the above applies to you, we STILL need YOUR support.  We ask for your prayers.  
Pray for our sisters, husbands, children, families, churches, and nation to be set FREE from the seduction of porn that is running rampant in our world today.  Pray that darkness would be brought to light.  Pray that the body of Christ will step up and address sexual issues as boldly and unashamedly as the world portrays them.  Pray that our churches, families and future generations will KNOW the TRUTH and be equipped to handle this war strategically and intentionally.

Together we CAN make a difference!