Grieving your Losses

Discovering that your husband has an addiction to porn is no doubt, devastating and life changing!   From most wives, this is what we hear:

"I feel like I don't even know him."

"My whole marriage seems like a lie."

"I never knew he could hurt me this bad."

"I don't know what is really real and what is not."

"I feel like this is all just a bad dream."

"I will never be able to trust again."

"I feel like I am no longer enough for him."

"I can't ever believe what he says to me."

Friend, I am so very sorry! You can be assured that you are not alone. You are human. These feelings are real and part of being hurt by someone you gave your heart to.  It stinks! So how do you get past them?

One thing that I have found that helps is to seriously take some time to grieve your losses.  Losing some of these things is like a death. You need time. You need to allow yourself to go through all the emotions that surround death.  Shock, anger, sadness, confusion, pain....they are all there.  How do you start?

First of all...make a list of what you feel you have lost because of your husband's addiction to porn.  Go ahead. Your list may be long but that is okay. These losses are real to you and the sooner you can acknowledge them the sooner you can move forward. 

After you have made your list...take each loss and pray about it, releasing your pain from that loss to God. Take your time. Get really honest about how you feel.  There is no way that this is a quick fix but it will definitely get you on the right track and open your heart to God's healing mercies.  Once you have prayed through each loss get rid of your list. However you wish...bury it, trash it, rip it up into shreds, burn it...etc.  This is just an outward expression of your bold and courageous decision to release what's already been lost.  In the days ahead, when you start to want to wallow in the pit of despair, you can remind yourself that you already let go of these things and that you are courageously pursuing the future God has for you.  

Precious one, though it is true that life, as you have known it, will never be the same, it is also true that as bad as your heart is hurting right now, ONE day you will see God use this whole mess for good.  He desires to do a NEW thing in you. Don't worry, he is so very patient. At some point in this grieving process, decide to be brave and make the decision to release the ashes that you are holding onto so that you can embrace the beauty God has for you. In old testament times it was common for those in mourning to put on sackcloth and ashes. Jesus came to replace those ashes with the beauty of his salvation which includes the healing of YOUR wounded heart.  

I know it is hard to embrace this thought right right now but I am going to share it anyway! Sister,  I have been in a place similar to yours... I get it, I understand this kind of pain and I can honestly say that the things you have lost don't compare to the GOOD things God has in store for you! Believe it!