Made to Crave

I know I am no scholar...but I am a woman who has had an overwhelming, unhealthy desire (craving) for my husband's love and would love to know the root of that desire. What I mean by that is that the desire I have had has ruled my life.  If my husband was treating me well and I was feeling loved, everything was wonderful, but when that wasn't happening, At times I was literally devastated, depressed, upset, and hopeless.  I must add here that I was a Christian, I read my bible and I prayed, nevertheless, this is the way I lived.  Is this how a wive's love for her husband is supposed to look like?  I do not believe so!
Could it be, because of what happened in the Garden of Eden, things changed for us as wives and if we are not careful we can let it control who we are and who we become in our marriage?  Ever thought about it?   What was God's original plan for His daughters, for wives??  Are the desires I have towards my husband the same ones Eve had towards Adam?  I believe the answer is no....at least not in the beginning. Here is what I see.   Eve was fully content.  She had perfect fellowship with God and with her husband.  She was secure and confident in who she was.  She was naked and unashamed. There was no fear. She was Adam's helper, she did not feel like she had to compete for his love or attention, she did not even know what that looked like or felt like because there was no sin...no lust, and no hollywood. She did not feel the need to control him to protect herself.....she was loved fully and completely by her Creator and she knew it.  His presence surrounded her like a glove.  The love she had for Adam was an overflow of the love she experienced from her Father. Pure, undefiled, agape love....  She knew her Father's love was faithful and true. That is, until the serpent came and spoke to her, and it went downhill from there.  She became full of doubt towards God. Suddenly, her trust in Him wavered. Ever have trouble trusting Him? hmmm, so did Eve.   Did God really say???  If you eat then you will be like God, you will know as God knows.....was God holding out on her?.....and with that, she saw and she ate, disobeying her Creator.  You know the story.  She listened to the serpent and she gave into her insecurities and her pride right there, in the garden.  What was one of the results/consequences of that choice?  AND THE WOMEN WILL DESIRE (CRAVE) her husband and he will rule over her (Gen 3:16).  Some commentaries say that this is the desire for a woman to RULE over a man, that this is where equal rights and the feminist movement came into the picture. That is why we are told in the New Testament to be submissive to our husbands. So I continued to search and they all said about the same thing...but then I found it-what I felt like God had showed me..it said that desire in this verse meant.... to CRAVE the LOVE of her HUSBAND.  I also saw somewhere that desire here is like a disease.  There it was.... sound familiar?  What I want to look at is what does it say to me, personally?  So, it's Eve's fault. (gotta blame somebody, right?)..I have an unhealthy desire and craving for my husband.  With it brings insecurity like none other.  Add unfaithfulness, betrayal, porn addiction, and the world's view of beauty to the mix and you have a woman who will NEVER be who God created her to be without HIS divine intervention.  Think about why women get caught up in  unhealthy relationships and lifestyles...they are craving LOVE. 
Why did the Lord show me this? Not sure I know all of the reasons yet but I believe one reason is to help me to see that even though my husband has had his struggles, they have only added to the insecurities that were already in my heart. God's original plan was for me to hunger and thirst after HIM, to seek His Kingdom first.  To be complete, secure, and whole in Him alone.  To be content in His extravagant love for me. I was made to CRAVE HIM.   Only out of that secure love can I love my husband with a healthy love.    Not tainted by self, pride, insecurity, pain, betrayal, suspicions, jealousy, etc.  BUT the good news is....when Jesus died on the cross he delivered me from the consequences of what happened in the garden.  I do not HAVE to live this way.  You do not have to live this way!  We can love our husbands from a PURE heart and not be ruled by unhealthy cravings and desires.  We can be secure in who We are in Christ.  


Lord, forgive me and deliver me from myself and anything in my heart that feeds unhealthy desires.  Thank you for revealing these things to me over and over again but in different ways....I hope I am finally getting it!!! You are so very patient. Thank you for not giving up on me and for renewing my hope that I can move on past all the lies I have believed for nearly a lifetime.  Your love never ceases to amaze me!  I feel like I know what it's like to be Peter sometimes.  I deny my relationship with you by my thoughts and actions over and over again.  I say I love you but you see my heart and you know the idols that are there. And yet YOU LOVE ME!!!  Thank you!  May I allow you to strip away the rubbish and ANYONE and ANYTHING that I have exalted above YOU.  I desire YOU to be on the throne of my heart and only YOU.