My husband and I just returned from a 3 day Intensive for couples that are dealing with the sickness of sexual addiction. It was held in Colorado Springs, CO at a place called Heart to Heart Counseling Center. It was amazing the way the Lord worked it all out. We decided to go on a Wednesday and the following Sunday we were on the plane! It was so very helpful and well worth the money. I would recommend this to any couple who is facing the devastation of sexual addiction. Before you walk away, before you give up....try it. If both partners are willing to seek restoration, this intensive will be so very beneficial. It was not easy, it was very intense and exhausting, but so worth it!
I was thinking of the Intensive Care Unit at the hospital.....why do they call it that? Because people admitted there need more than just a band-aid for their wounds...they need serious help, The thing they are facing will bring them life or death. That's what we needed for our marriage because in so many ways we have tasted death. Thankfully, the wounds have been addressed, the truth of the situation has been revealed, the underlying infection has been brought to light and healing now can come. Will we both have the same result? That depends on how we take care of ourselves from here on out. We have to both follow what the "counselor" ordered. I need healing and deliverance as much as my husband but only I can be responsible for my complete healing and only he can be responsible for his healing.
As we were there, I kept my eyes wide open. How was my husband reacting? Did he show that he was serious about getting help or was he only doing this for me? Was his heart open or closed? Was he being honest? Thank the Lord that what I saw was a broken man, sorry for the years that he had let this addiction rule his life. Sorry for the hurt that he had caused his wife and family. His heart was thankful that he was being given another chance and it showed.
So one of the tough parts was realizing that some of the things I had believed about him, about us, were false. As a wife of an addict, you are so desperate to protect your heart that you talk yourself into believing that it is not as bad as you thought....that even though he has been lying that he is able to speak truth about his addiction sometimes....NOT!!! You cannot believe anything they are saying when it comes to the addiction....it is built around LIES! We have drawn a line in the sand; anything said to me about his addiction before June 1st were ALL lies....I have to rethink everything. Every time he said I was "crazy" for thinking he was caught back into it or that he was "looking" at women more than I thought was appropriate were all lies.....there was not truth, at all!
The first night we were there I had a break down....the hurt of it all was felt deeply....even into the next morning....tears and more tears. I believe, as tough as it was, that it is part of the process that the Lord is taking me through. I kept thinking, Lord is this really what you want me to do? Do I really have to walk this path? Can't I just turn around and run! After all, dealing with this WITHOUT him seems much easier...sometimes just looking at him brings all the pain to the surface again....if I just left, I could get through it faster, easier! Also, I know that he wouldn't be able to have the opportunity to hurt me again! This is such a huge risk! You are asking me to love him, support him, and walk WITH him through this, not knowing if he will truly get free or not... not knowing what the future holds? Will this be just more time, as I see it, "wasted"? Will he really do the hard work it will take to gain his freedom? As for now, I feel like this is what you have called me to do. I know that you are with me and that you are teaching me, molding me, changing me, healing me and making me into a vessel of honor....help me, Lord to keep my eyes on YOU and to trust you like I never have before(because that is what it will take to do this!).....I am fragile, I am broken, I am scared.....I am yours....thank you that this has so much more to do with than just healing my marriage.....the ramifications of this go further and deeper than I can even realize, but you, Lord, see the future and you love me and will take care of me no matter what!
I know that my husband is as scared as I am....he is afraid of failing. Even as we were on our way to the airport he showed his emotions and his fears of the days ahead. This is good... because if he just flippantly said...."I know I can do this" and acted like it would be a piece of cake I would have to wonder about his honesty. This has been his way of life for 30+ years....it won't be easy....he will have struggles....but if he stays honest and does not let his heart grow cold we can get to the other side....there is hope, and our marriage can be all the God wants it to be! He realized that he is so blessed that he has me here to support him....some of the guys there expressed how difficult it was to do this because their wives had already left, they were having to do this alone.....SO if he wants it bad enough he CAN overcome this.....He has support now like he never has before, and sad to say that if he does not take advantage of all the support and help he has he will never have it again...NOW is the day of salvation, NOW is his chance to be free.....He has to choose!
In this time of so many uncertainties, what do I KNOW to be true? I KNOW that from here on out life will NOT go on as it has in the past for me. God is taking me to a place that I have not known before....a healthy place, a safe place. The question is, will it be with or without my husband beside me.....for now, that is only for God to know..... in His time He will show me, and He will give me the strength and wisdom to take me to where He wants me to go.....Lord, As I take your hand, please lead me, guide me and never let me go! And I KNOW YOU will do just that!
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