Happy Birthday, Mom! Part 2

So, mom, I guess, I kind of married like you did.  I am married to a man who has an addiction, just like dad had an addiction. Only it's not alcohol, it's pornography.  I know you knew a little bit about it but I don't think you knew the severity of it. (me neither!)  It's been 25 years, mom!  I know you can relate, somewhat to how I feel.  I know towards the end of your life, you were miserable.  You loved my dad so much but you hated the alcoholism.  Those last few years he became a mean alcoholic.  I know you wanted to leave him but you never did.  I hated seeing you in the hospital and the hurt in your eyes when he walked in the room.  I hated that for you.  Mom, I do not want my life to end like that.  I saw what his addiction did to you and I know that is not how God intended our lives to be.  How sad to spend a lifetime with a person only to die married, but so alone.  He would not even come to the hospital to tell you goodbye.  He said he couldn't handle it.  So terribly sad.  You did not deserve that, mom!  You stood by him through so much only to have him abandon you during your last few breaths of life.  Am I bitter, am I mad? No, just so sad for you,  for us, and for him.  So, anyway, I have set some boundaries.  I have learned that when boundaries are not set, you enable the person you love to remain unhealthy and remain in their sin. I saw it first hand with dad.   I wish you could have known what I know now.   Your life would have ended differently.  I wish someone would have told you.....someone would have helped you.  There were too many things hidden.  But, you are with your Jesus now, and I know you would not trade that for anything!  You loved and you loved well.  We are working on our relationship.  We both need healing and deliverance.   God is faithful and I know He is molding us and changing us for His glory. Some days I don't want to be here...to go thru this process,  it is very painful and difficult. My strength comes from the Lord.   I have peace knowing this is what He has called me to do for now and that His grace will be with me day in and day out.  He not only wants to change Kevin but He wants to do a work in me, also.  I am such a mess, mom!  This porn thing has messed my thinking all up.  I am so thankful God loves me and will take what satan intended for evil and turn it around for His Glory!  I can hardly wait.  I do not quite know what that looks like but I am looking forward to finding out.  I know what you would say..."hang in there, keep praying, God will work it all out!"  Yes, He will, mom, YES, He will!